Today is a reflective day for me dear imaginary reader, probably because tomorrow we are attending an event that makes me more than a little bit nervous. I know it will be fun, I guess it would be best to describe how I feel as excited nervousness - if ya know what I mean. There are fashion decisions to be made, making sure my house is ready for all the people that will be staying here. My whole family as well as old friends and the kids that have chosen us will be there. KB,PB, Jay and Bear, CycleHer and CycleHim ..woot, solid!
To speak or not to speak.
Ya see, a few years ago in a festive setting I was asked my opinion on something by a friend. I found out this last fall that this person wasn’t my friend and that they had been discussing me with others rather than having a conversation about the situation with me. I was deeply hurt. After that situation I had informataion that I was asked to share, but didnt feel that it was appropriate that I do so. Not sharing ending up with me being involved in the most hurtful, heartbreaking, scaring verbal alteration of my life. One that hurts me even today.
To speak or not speak.
In no longer feeling that I have a voice have I lost the ability to know when to speak or not speak? Am I too far along the tight rope to get back to ground zero?
To speak or not to speak. I feel so vulnerable. Best head out to the garden dear imaginary reader, ponder...have a wee cry. Then come back inside and try to pull my sh*t together. Gotta find clothes to hide this fluffy body - and search for a game face.