PARENTING ADULT CHILDREN – A QUAGMIRE

Ok I give up!  I have no idea how to be the parent of adult children.  My white flag is in the air..that’s it, I am done.
I attended an event last week where an acquaintance shared with me that she admires the way we raised our children and that we are their friend.  I thanked her very much but was a thinking to myself, really?  Their friends?  We raised our family away from any members of our immediate family for many reasons, none of which i will go into here.  We didn’t have much but were rich in our own minds because we had our little family.  We went everywhere together, a hockey game for anyone one of them, there we were.  Figure skating, yip there they are again.  Vacation?  A road to trip to Florida, Northern Ontario, sure can we all come and bring the dogs?  Joined at the hip.
We moved to the middle of nowhere and things changed a little.  My husband wasn’t at home as much as he was making his way in the big smoke but when he could we were all out to support each other again.  Our friends I think like hanging with our kids, playing with our kids even now that they are all grown and trying to find their own ways.  But how, pray tell how in the heck do you blend possible life partners into a group that has been this close without there being issues?  How do you discuss it without someone deciding that you are an ogre and not just trying to find a way to grow the family amicably.
I failed at it miserably in the last 48 hours if any one ever reads this and has the magic answer let me know