what i want to see ma.....

I am not sure exactly at which point over that past weekend LLB suggested, nah, told me that she wanted to see some real talk in the blog. “You know Ma, the way to talk to us”, I asked her for an example, she thought for a bit and tried to explain but I was not picking up what she was throwing down. LLB would try to look for an example during our time together, alas, I was never provided with one - not sure if that is good or bad. But as my “kids” would say, Imma gonna give it a try!.

Yesterday I was heading out for a lunch with my amigas in Effortown and thought I would take a selfie and if I felt good about it I was going to share it here today. Look dear imaginary reader, no photo. I sent it along to my girls with the caption “WOOF”. I thought I looked terrible. My hair is in desperate need of a good cut (already scheduled, not that had any influence on my mind set), I had bags under my bags, a combination of lack of sleep and allergies (perhaps it IS time to see the MD and get those allergy tests). As my mother would have said, I looked like something that the cat dragged in. The girls responded with “Ma, you are too hard on yourself”. Shortly after this, as I checked my watch sitting in traffic worrying about being late for lunch I noticed the date and everything clicked into place. This week is always a bad week for me - well at least for over 20 years. This week is the anniversary of my mothers death. I know it happened on a single day, but over the years I have come to accept that the whole week is difficult on me. Instead of allowing myself to feel the pain and sorrow I turn to feeling bad about myself.

I as sit here drenched in sweat from moving even more mulch, aching hip, sore back and trying to hold back the tears (which is kinda not working) - its real time.

My siblings and I had a very cool, hard working Mom. She could party like a rock star drinking water and taking your keys so you couldn’t drive home from our house. She was a devil on a snowmobile. Loved nothing better that gathering a bunch of people and cooking for them and having a few laughs. Don’t even get me started about playing euchre. Its hard to find anyone to play with these days. Going to a family reunion with Mom and her side of the family was confusing as hell, the people I was related to and how? She lost a son and held herself together for the rest of us. Valiantly fought a hereditary disease for years, almost from when I was born, until it finally won. Oh she could be stubborn, set in her ways. But a chat and some J&B and you could sort things out with her. When her grandchildren came along - they were the light of her life.

So today, I’m going to suck it up, take the necessary meds and get going on this )_*)(**( mulch, just like she would. Tonight, a few of our kids and the love of my life and I are going to hang out with friends that we have not seen in 17 years. We will watch their son perform live.....so exciting! The pic I am posting below is not the best of my Mom, but it is real life from the town to the west of us. My pic of it is kinda off kilter, kinda like the fun side of my Mom was. With her - the lights of her life.

Make the most of each and every day dear imaginary reader