A couple of months ago The Boy told me that he would be coaching a hockey team in the Hills around where he and DC live. Oh, and that DC would be the trainer. He then asked if I would be the team manager ”you’ve done this before Ma, so shouldn’t be a big deal, right?” I asked for a while to think about it.
The seconds right after he asked I just wanted to say not right, WRONG!! It is a big deal, do you have any idea what being a manager involves? I kept my mouth shut as I wasn’t thinking about hockey in any way. Not even for a nano second dear imaginary reader. I was thinking totally about myself and what it would mean to be the manager of the team. A team where I would only know two people. In a community where I knew no one, I didnt even know how to get to the rink?
How could I do this, I would have to TALK to PEOPLE. Who would be impacted by my decision? I never even thought to ask myself the question did I want to do this.
Living in the middle of nowhere it is very easy to not have to interact with real people for days at a time. Heck, if I have family pick up groceries I could go for weeks huddled safe and sound in my own little world. I mean, seriously, give me someone to take care of - and I don’t mean myself - and the dog or dogs to chat with and I am good. I have allowed myself to enter a cocoon of if i am at home I’m ok. Not much stress, I can control most situations..... I have allowed myself to fall into this trap so easily that I don’t even acknowledge asking myself the question,if I do this could I get hurt.
Could what ever it is hurt my body in any way, ooohhhh probs if I look hard enough. New people? Nope! Too many chances to embarrass myself or whom ever is crazy enough to go out in public with me. Drive in the dark? Since last fall’s encounter with Bambi, yeah...hard no to that. And I mean, take a look at me. I am short and round and struggle to dress in clothing that is not garden worthy or comfort driven.
I had to, no, HAVE to find a way to change my daily self talk. It is really difficult. So very very easy to talk myself out of doing anything, that is unless its for someone else and completed close to home.
I am now scaring myself on a weekly basis. I reluctantly said yes to The Boy and DC, I get to spend extra time with adult children, bonus. Then I get to struggle while I try to hold it all together in public. Last week I ran the power skating portion of a team practice. I had forgotten how much I enjoy yelling at kids while helping them learn something I love. I’m not on the ice for insurance purposes and the nagging thought in the back of my head that I could get hurt. Baby steps again.
Going to that practice meant leaving our home after 7 pm in the dark in October. Doing that made be nervous for the whole ride into the Hills. Then like an idiot I chose to drive a new route. What a goof, for at least half of it I was thinking, no actually saying out loud to my self, “what where you thinking???? If you hit a deer out here there will be no one around to help you!!!” Needless to say, I travelled home on a busier route. But I made it, saw a porcupine, nary a deer. FIngers crossed my luck continues.
LLB and I took our before pics and measurements on the weekend, Teach ya gotta do yours. We talked each other into actually doing it, we have talked at each other about taking them for months. Again, scary but we did it. And no one got hurt.
Every day I have to find something to say to myself that will help me grow, take chances, no matter how small. If not, I will never get off this tightrope.
Today, I shared this fear with you. I acknowledged it, holy sh*t is this freaking me out. Cheers to the baby steps, slowly getting over my fears and allowing myself to think of myself first.
Until next time dear imaginary reader.
I suppose the title should read Sunday Afternoon Reflections..just noticed the time - my how it flies when you are busy and having fun. Actually this weekend has had us running the gamut of emotion. In the end, feeling the warmth of contentment, family love and appreciation.
Friday was TLOMIL’s birthday - thinking that I had plenty of time to finish up the last minute things I needed to do, I was taking my time - chatting with Ollie as I worked in the kitchen, dancing around the island with my own dance vibes playing in my head as the birthday boy took a restorative nap on the couch. The phone rang and I actually answered it, something I don’t do very much anymore unless it is a name or number I am familiar with on the screen. This small voice whispered “Ma, there has been a fatality on the GO line, we cant go all the way, can you pick me up in Oakville?” Of course the answer was yes, my second thought was F!!! I have to get this and this and this done. I haven’t showered...I ran into the family room, woke up the sleeping prince and informed him what I had to do. Ollie and I got in the truck and began the trek which had me leaving the house 45 minutes before I was supposed to and would add at least 45 on to the trip which should have been an hour and a quarter total. I wasn’t far onto the next road, having driven by some massive Tamworth hogs that make me smile every time I see them, fields bordered with the fading beauty of autumns colorful display that I thought - Jill you are an insufferable ASS. Some one died, and you are worried about a birthday dinner. I mean seriously, give your head a shake girl!
A couple of minutes later The Boy called asking for the evenings plan - once the change had been shared he offered to go pick up LLB and the Scots new car and head to our place with it. I chatted with Compliance Girl along the way to the train, got LLB a stop earlier than originally planned and made our way to Burly to pickup the Scot and head back to the middle of nowhere. My mind was running at a thousand miles an hour of what I needed to get done first as I ran in the front door. What did I see? Lit candles, cut veggies, hearing the voices of The Boy and DC telling me that they would create the appetizer while I had a shower. TLOMIL , LLB and the Scot all pitching in so we would be ready when our other friends arrived. All of them adulting cohesively to assist me. It made my heart sing - and the wee gin probs helped as well. We went on to have a wonderful evening full of laughs, good food and continued assistance from the kids. I loved every second of it. Thanks again kids for your help xoxo!
We woke up yesterday tired - checking my messages I found one sent at 4:14 A.M. - Jill when you get this please call - all ok, but think this should be communicated by phone. This message was from B.C. So i did send a text as it was too early. One of our dear friends had been in a horrible car accident in Maui, they were and still are in rough shape but will survive. Yet another reason to be thankful. The car accident weighed heavily on our minds, especially as LLB and her Scot were out driving the back roads and hills of our area yesterday trying to figure out how to drive a standard vechile. I did go for one such excursion and only wound up with minor whiplash!
Last evening I got a call from my baby sister informing me that our Uncle had just passed away, while it wasn’t unexpected it is never easy news right dear imaginary reader? Within minutes I was speaking to my cousins and their family expressing condolences and hopefully sharing love.
I am sitting here at my perch having survived another “stick” driving outting with LLB, finishing up my coffee. The kitchen is a disaster, wine glasses from Friday nights fun (I just couldn’t look at anymore dishes yesterday ok?”, mess from this mornings Christmas morning breakfast trial all over the island. TLOMIL and LLB out driving. Its quiet, Ollie asleep on the dog bed in the corner. I am so very lucky to live where I do, how I do, with those that are in my life. Take a moment today dear imaginary reader to count your blessings
Today marks the three week anniversary of Hinge day dear imaginary reader. Yesterday was the first foray into the big bad world, for both TLOMIL and I really. A drive into the big smoke for meetings for the big guy and lunch with a couple of the kids for me. The trip drove (no pun intended hahah) home a couple of things for me.
Usually, I am the one sitting in the passengers seat as we embark on any kind of a road trip. I have no problem driving, sometimes I enjoy it. Heading into the T Dot is not usually one of those times and yesterday did not disappoint. A moderate miracle did occur, my guy sat in the back, knee supported and carried on a lovely conversation and not once, seriously, not even once on the way downtown did he backseat drive. And he was in the back seat hahah! I love driving my SUV (we will not discuss the things that I dislike about it as I would never stop.... less than a year and the Infiniti is gone!), our drive down was easy peasy, just over an hour. At times this trek can take 2 to 3 hours depending on traffic. My comfort zone ended as we got off the Gardiner Expressway and onto York Street. Again, I don’t mind driving but the hordes of pedestrians- that is another story. People stepping off the sidewalk and into traffic with nary a thought! Crossing at crosswalks against lights! The corner of Front Street and York was almost too much for me - sensory overload! We didnt have far to go - just before King Street I entered the driveway to make my way into the parking garage under my guys office building. The ramp was soooo steep and sooo tight I had to raise my seat to even TRY to see over the hood of my truck - and use the front camera to make it down. Defs way out of my comfort zone.
These past weeks have been eye opening in different ways than I had imagined. TLOMIL is a matter of fact, no holds barred, you don’t have to agree with what I am saying but just listen kinda guy. I don’t think anyone would describe him as warm and fuzzy unless he is discussing his family or his dogs. A self reliant man in many ways, and very traditional in others. Ya know what I mean?
I imagined a recovery in which I would be outside winterizing the gardens with timely trips inside to check on my patient. I had ideas of preparing his favorite foods, catching up on quiet things in the house while he enjoyed blissful healing sleep. Well, dear imaginary reader I was living in a fantasy world in my own little bean. This process has shown me a side of TLOMIL that has taken me for a loop for sure! His comfort zone equaled the space I created for him in our family room and little ole me within 10 feet. At ALL TIMES.
My hot burning guy seems to have had his internal thermostat reset to cold...he was always the guy that warmed me up! Now Oli snuggles close in effort to keep his master warm. Me, who has trouble talking, especially with regard to tough things has turned into a slave driver when it comes to getting Physio accomplished. Can you hear the crack of my whip? I have managed to get a few things done outside while people visit TLOMIL, the other day while Fit Guy was visiting I headed out to cut the grass.
Usually TLOMIL does all the lawn stuff, ride, push mower, whipper sniper - I am the garden/pool chick. I now hate my front lawn.
This is the view from the road, down into the ditch and up the hill to the front lawn. Using the trusty John Deere to ride along the cusp is a scary thing for me...riding on a angle holding on so I don’t slip off the seat and therefore engage the safety switch and have the engine stop. What if it happened? Would the tractor roll over? Could I jump out of the way? Oh the thoughts that go through my little bean! So I get as close as I can without causing a self inflicted heart attack. But wait! What is the alternative...that’s right the push mower! Now lets talk about me, with my hip and ankles walking on an incline with one leg higher than the other trying to keep the lawn mower in a straight line......OYE! We will not even discuss this freaking hill.
But I regress, this week I didnt even get that far. Just as Fit Guy left, and TLOMIL came looking for me within seconds...the John Deere ran out of gas and we had none to fill it with. On the way back from Physio yesterday morning, before heading into the Big Smoke I picked some up. While my guy got ready to head downtown, in the pouring rain (with a little hail thrown in there just for fun), I headed to the back yard with the gas can. Filled John up, hopped on, got him going and moved forward. I had to turn the wheel to get around the horse shoe pit and then even though the engine was running he stopped. I looked down and the front left tire was flopped over on its side hugging the wheel! No way was I getting that fixed this whole thing is soooooo far outside my comfort zone! John is still “resting” outside, help is on the way with kids due to visit to sing happy birthday to TLOMIL.
Last week we celebrated, I use the term loosely this year dear imaginary reader, our 32 wedding anniversary. This past year, especially the past weeks have certainly had their challenges, no matter being with TLOMIL IS my comfort zone. I guess my zone has just gotten a little smaller, will involve quilts and when outside developing new skills.
I feel that this post is kinda of scattered dear imaginary reader - welcome to my last three weeks!
Hinges...something that we use each and every day without a single thought. Have you ever thought about how many “hinges” /joints you have in your body? Depending on your age, you may or may not have given them a thought. You may love them, baby them or out right hate them. Here in the middle of nowhere we are 9 days post hinge replacement. Yip, its been 9 long days since TLOMIL had a complete knee replacement. His knee was injured back when he was a kid, then again in College. Repaired well given the day, can you say hello 70’s! Repaired again in the 90’s, and now replaced. It was not an easy decision to come to, and so far the jury is still out.
The thought of major surgery has been on my guys mind for a long time. Eventually his knee basically gave him the finger, to have quality of life the sucker had to go! For myself and our kids, it was a decision that weighed heavily on our minds and hearts. A few years ago, we lost my Dad to complications from a knee replacement. For sure, TLOMIL had none of the issues that my Dad had, so in theory there should not have been any co-relation. Our hearts and minds had a difficult time making that connection. The first weekend home from the hospital (which was just an over nighter), our house was full of a bunch of our kids. Those who could not make it home were checking in using varied forms of electronic communication. The love felt around my guy was awesome, I am sure it helped get him through that first night and the following days.
Eventually the kids had to get back to their lives and jobs. Thank goodness for my brother allowing us to borrow his ice machine, We have also been using a machine called Game Ready which adds compression to the cold water longer leg sleeve. Between the two (the borrowed machine will be used long term) my guys knee is looking much smaller with all bruising just about gone. Gotta ramp up the Physio. I think its the small every day things that take the most thought. Getting from point A to point B, finding something, anything that he will eat. What aids you need to rent to make things a little easier. All the drugs....and sleep, a good solid sleep soon...please. Gently pushing TLOMIL to do even a bit of Physio while he is feeling dizzy -“spun” is his word of choice. The painkillers and he don’t play nicely together so OTC is how we had to go, less spinning - more pain.
As my guy headed home from “the bush” the week before his surgery he stopped at a Resort that we have always wanted to go to. Being the optimist (hahah) that he is, he booked us in for this the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. I wondered how in heck we were going to be able to do it, nervous and excited at the same time. I checked in with the lovely Kim at Killarney Lodge earlier this week to inquire about possible mobility work arounds. She was lovely, I allowed myself to get excited again, the thought of good food prepared for me.....All the time knowing that the whole idea was foolish, though motivating for TLOMIL. Know what I mean dear imaginary reader?
I sit here at my perch on this dreary Thanksgiving Sunday. Thankful that TLOMIL came to his senses - we cancelled our long dreamed about weekend at Killarney Lodge (they were amazing about our last minute cancellation), we will get there one day dear imaginary reader. If you have the chance, check them out - and go. My guy is in the family room attached to one ice machine or another, Ollie curled up by his side. We had an overnight with the Murph man who also enjoyed snuggle time with my guy, the dogs just seem to know TLOMIL needs some extra gentle love. The girls are away - LLB heading to her beloved Scotland and Teach celebrating in Paris. Tomorrow the Boy, DC and Murph will come for Thanksgiving dinner. This year I am extra thankful. TLOMIL got through the surgery, we will get through the next stages (though I may be saying thank you to red wine haha). Our family is living in the same country - even the Scot! We are healthy, have an amazing support system of friends and family and have a year filled with adventure ahead of us.
From my family to yours dear imaginary reader, have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Oh yeah, almost forgot (how could I do that!!), I am also thankful for you dear imaginary reader, so very nice to have someone real or imagined to share my thoughts and tribulations with. Baby steps back along the tight rope ....
Oh Weebly......how you frustrate me GGGRRRRRRRRR.....
Anyhoo......dear imaginary reader, I have chatted about The Plan and my intention to become a stronger, steadier on my feet version of myself. I would like a leaner shape, but don’t necessarily care what the scale has to tell me. Would like to loose the bat wings (hahahah), and the hip/periformis pain (literally a pain in my a**!). I want, no WILL be able to walk on loose sand, not worry about uneven ground (including cobble stones) and all round feel and look like a healthier me. Whew! There...down in black and white. Makes a difference when you commit to other people, even if the majority of them are imaginary! I know the real ones, will take pleasure in kicking my tush when it is required. Yes, I have a date that I want to achieve this for, I mean seriously can you hear the wedding bells? But I have to be at my best before that so I can begin the search for appropriate MOG wear!
I decided to have an organized approach. Don’t get carried away now - I have not joined a gym. I simply do not have the confidence to do so - women can , no people can be so catty and mean and I am just not up to dealing with that kind of B.S. right now. As you know, Fit Guy set me up with a excercise program which I am following and can change up if I get bored (hasn’t happened yet, still trying to not be so perfect with it haha). I have been seeing an amazing Physiotherapist for a long time, and will continue to do so. That said, the length of time I am able to go between treatments is longer, so something must be working right dear imaginary reader? I am fortunate that my future DIL is now a practicing chiropractor, I have added her awesome skills to The Plan. I must note that already she has accomplished a great stink eye that says “oh no you won’t”, when I say I’m going to do something or she sees me head off to do something that I think I can do, but know that I shouldn’t. I can feel it drilling through me before I even look at her hahahah! I tracked my food intake and sent it along to a Registered Dietician, but more about that later. Last but not least is my not so gentle Giant Registered Massage Therapist. The Giant, is a new addition to the team, not that his treatment is new to me - I just could not have gotten far into a treatment without tapping out before now.
I am working out in our sunroom/weight room
The view is great, between that space and our living room I can do most of what I want/need to do. Still looking for a spot to put a TRX and need to get some kettle bells, but things are moving along
I am one that always feels better when I have moved, not necessarily when I am moving - in the end I am happy that i did it, ya know? I believe the thing that is proving to be the biggest challenge for me is food. Turns out that I wasn’t eating enough and not at consistent times. My poor body was holding tight to calories cause it didnt know when the heck it was going to get fed next! I generally make good choices and don’t eat processed foods, and yes dear imaginary reader, I have cut back on my wine consumption.
Well...best get back to the joys of laundry and working out. Have a great day dear imaginary reader. Take good care.
I am currently sitting under our pergola which is located by the pool at the back of our yard. If I look straight ahead (and forget out the post supporting the pergola I look across the pool, notice the garden, green lawn and then bush. To my left, if I squint a bit I can pretend that our neighbors garage isnt there - this way I just see deck, flowers, a picnic table and our B.B.Q. To the right, it is the bank of hydrangea and lilac trees that I have shown you before dear imaginary reader. Behind them lies our horseshoe pit, fire pit and lawn which stretches to bush as well.
I am out here to get some work done on this blog, as well as to have the warmth of the sun hopefully assist me in feeling a bit better. Have had a horrible headache for three days now and hope that some sun and fresh air help me to feel better.
The pool needs to be cleaned but I can’t get up. I am mesmerized by the soft, gentle breeze that every now and then lifts a wisp of hair on my forehead, or kisses my shin as it sits in the sun. I lift my head, close my eyes and do my very best to be present, in this very moment. Just when I think, I got this, a beautiful hummingbird buzzes by me to take nourishment from the pot to my left. I watch him for the few seconds that he is there, then move on to a pot further away.
I can hear shells being dropped to the pool deck by the birds above. I am reminded of the lovely Blue Jay that landed on one of the trees close to the kitchen window while I was chatting with LLB this morning.
Ollie has just gotten up from his place in the sun by my feet, he is going in to explore what the heck is making the sound in the Adams Needles where I found him on our fire alarm night. I can hear him rustling the plants, and the jingle of his tags.I can see the needle tops dancing as he progresses on his hunt which will be for naught.
In the background there is a faint hum of traffic (damn people who have found out about our back roads) and the cicadas.
This is just the second time I have sat out here this summer, and I am happy to do it alone. Ah...I can hear a tree frog trilling! Wee birds chirping.....
So very blessed to live where I do.
I will sign off for today so that I can be present in my backyard haven..try to take time today dear imaginary reader, and you too Ectogirl to be present and mindful.
Cold enough for you dear imaginary reader ? A couple more days and we will be complaining about the heat perhaps for the last time this summer - a sobering thought. Don’t think that I am quite ready for the cold if the last two days can be used as a measure.
TLOMIL and I had dinner with our friends Knight and Never Stops the other evening, always a good time...as usual my guy was his usual witty self; always ready with a story or a new joke (please be a new joke was my main thought or the evening shhhh, don’t tell him). We hadn’t seen them in a while, eventually we got around with catching up regarding our families and our selves - I wasn’t that great at sharing what I have been up to, what a surprise! Thank goodness Knight reads this (ok, so I know a couple of not so imaginary readers, though am thankful for all of you (3, haha) ! Anyhooo..the next day I had sort of the same conversation with Silly who by the way is rocking the new job, not there was ever any doubt. I thought to myself, perhaps it was time to reflect on progress and yes, avoidances.
This summer has been a busy one, the heat slowed us down but as my hipstagram account has been leading to, we finally finished chipping all the shake!
I have begun to move it around though the rain yesterday slowed my progress and currently I am avoiding the cold by writing this :). It is my hope that by the time I have all the gardens put to bed that I will feel caught up, weird I know but having to wait for the roof to be completed put us behind. Then the heat, then vacation, then avoidance again. Amazing what else you can find to do sometimes isnt it dear imaginary reader?
At times, I choose to torture myself by attempting to knit, I am not good at it and have been promised that at some point I will begin to enjoy it (really???????). I have been working on this small piece all since the end of June.
Due to technical issues this last week, I am joining this blog already in progress hahah!
As predicted above, it got warm again, have enjoyed our pool more in the last week then the whole summer. You no longer feel cooked when on the pool deck. The mulch is almost totally spread - our yard finally looks ready for summer just in time to close things up, sad but true. It is amazing how one thing can have a major impact on the rest of your plans. Love the new roof but.....
I found myself last week feeling scattered and rushed, in the end content with the forced break Weebly made me take. Feeling like you are running out of time is not a good feeling dear imaginary reader. The count down is on the TLOMIL’s hinge replacement, I’m feeling the need to be organized, everything in its place. My refrain for the week was once again, it doesn’t have to be perfect - just better. I had no idea how often I was saying that to myself until last week. I guess that’s the way I am handling one little part of self care.
So with that dear imaginary reader I must get back to some tasks already in progress..I have taken on a volunteer position along with the Boy and DC..more about that later. Take good care!
TLOMIL and I were working in the ‘couve and staying the weekend to head over to Galliano Island with friends. Our friends had cats that needed care over the weekend, on the way to the ferry we stopped to drop off a house key at their dog walkers house. We went inside to meet the ladies, while there we met this guy,
This is Ollie, the day after the marathon day and night before, hahaha! He had been living at the house in Vancouver for two years as a Foster Dog, by way of a kill shelter in Arlington, Texas. He was rescued, but with no room in the inn so to speak was shipped to Vancouver for fostering and then forgotten. He was loved in the ‘couve but not in the best setting as big dogs picked on him every day. He came to us after a five hour delay for his flight, in the middle of a snow storm. TLOMIL was away so the rest of us piled into the van at midnight, with the steady handed Boy at the wheel. The poor little guy was overwhelmed.
It took a while for him to love us, but mere days, ok a couple of weeks for him to fall madly in love with our Big Dog, Mar (whom we miss soooo much).
You know how it goes with dogs right dear imaginary reader? I know Ollie has been as sad as we are with Mar’s passing, and probs a bit freaked out with the resemblance in both looks and actions with the Murph dog. Ollie came to us afraid of thunderstorms or any loud noises. Seeing a man in dark clothing, baseball cap and sunglasses and look out, you would think he was a guard dog on the attack. He has settled in well over the almost five years, he is such a snuggler.
I am sitting at my perch trying to keep my eyes open all in the name of supporting Ollie. Last night band after band of thunderstorms rolled through our neck of the woods. Of course, being a spidey dog, he knew they were coming before even a rumble was made and he began to quiver. I was asleep and didn’t get his jacket (above) on in time to help the poor soul. There was lots of tight snuggles, soft gentle words spoken with reassuring slow rubs. We would just get back to sleep and another band would come on through. Earlier in the day he had been helping me do some travel goodie sorting -
At around 4:15 a.m. I felt the quivering again and then the beep. Not sure how long it had been going on, it took me a while but -
I killed the dastardly smoke detector! Let’s be serious, I had to turn off the power but not before I had let Ollie outside by the pool for a pee and a respite from the noise. He was shaking so hard he could hardly walk! Power off, I went to the back door to let him in - no dog. For what felt like an hour, no dog! Panic was setting in, I ran inside to grab a flashlight, ran back outside in just a tee shirt and my gotch running around our pool enclosure like a fool. Thank goodness it was the middle of the night so that none of our neighbours were shocked, hahah! The pool was clear - whew! Panic was rising, I was in tears - he was not responding to his name. And then, I looked harder in the pool garden. There, hidden under ground cover and Adams Needles was Ollie, sound asleep. Be still my heart dear imaginary reader!
I was so anxious that I couldn’t sleep until after 6 this morning. He of course looks something like this right now
Ahh the life of a dog, I feel like dirt but he is good. Thats the important thing. Cheers to all of our pups dear imaginary reader!
Well dear imaginary reader it’s a wrap, summer 2018 for all intents is over. For sure there are still fun times in good warm weather ahead, but these must be wrapped around the regularly scheduled events such as work, school and sports. I remember when our kids were much younger feeling ready for the routine of the school/sports year. By the time the new school year came around I was ready for routine, I bet you are surprised to read that aren’t you dear imaginary reader (wink, wink).
Our Labour Day weekend was filled with visitors, so nice to see loveable Nanny from London, our favorite neuroscientist and her Economics Guy and get extra time with Teach. We got a wee pinch of time with LLB before she headed up north with everyone but Teach. A smidgen of time with the Boy and DC - got a long weekend with Murphy which made Ollie happy (OK, he was happy to see him leave yesterday as well). TLOMIL became Chipper Man again, finally able to work on the pile of shake and make me more mulch along with the handy most thankful for help, from Teach. Me, well - I was chief cook and bottle washer as my Mom used to say. I managed to irritate my hip last week while working in the garden, what a shocker.
Yesterday this happened,
Yes dear imaginary reader THAT is Teach loading up her Dad’s car with some of her stuff to head toward the Big Smoke, entering the unknown world of an Occassional Teacher. What a process it is to get on as a full time teacher..oh my! I did my very best to hold it all together while this process was taking place. I heard more than a few “Ma, your making me feel bad”, “MOOOMMMMM you know that I’m not gone forever right?”, and then it was “Ok, that’s it, see you in a couple of days”! And then, she did IT. I couldn’t believe it....
She left - as she was supposed to. As we had prepared for. As she took the next step in “adulting” spreading her wings just the way that we had raised her. Ouch!
Today is the first day in 26 years that someone from our house is not starting or returning to some sort of educational institution. 20 freaking 6. No excitement of back to school shopping, tears of being left with or in a teacher/dorm/new city. Starting Uni’s in new countries I lived through with the big kids via Skype (oh how times have changed). 26! That means that the Boy will soon be 30 (Oh my dear GOD!!), LLB is closer to articles (anybody need a law student?) where ever they may take her, and soon (gulp) Teach will be in the BIg Smoke full time. Yip, I think that is a pretty dramatic way of shaking things up.
Today, Nanny is back in London
Today our neuroscientist and her Economics Guy should be safely home, the Big Smoke has both the girls and TLOMIL. The Boy and DC are busy with their professions - and wedding planning.
Today, the sun rose - the school bus trundled down the road and I had happy thoughts mixed with a few tears. And then it hit me, it really is JILLIE TIME!!! I will still have some juggling to do but now I come first, cheers to that dear imaginary reader!
I have been very fortunate this summer dear imaginary reader to been able to have spent a fair amount of time with my friend Sweetheart. She is a proud, fierce mother of four boys, or should I say 5 if I include Mr. Bond! Defs one of the most wise and level headed women I know, every now and then she throws out a zinger, you cant help but think, where the heck did that come from as you laugh your face off. A real beauty.
We were sitting last week in that bit of paradise near The Station when she shared this with me,
I immediately sent it off to a few of my kids, not all as I was sure that not “all” of them would get it, ya know? The responses ranged from thanks to you wouldn’t let me. That one hit hard cause he was right, I wouldn’t. That said, for sure I let myself begin to die slowly.
Yes, I do travel a bit, read a bit and do listen to the sounds of life. Don’t appreciate, kill self esteem, habitual - check, check and FM, CHECK!
While I am working on myself, it is very easy to slip back into routine and comfort. Some routine is required, but not all routine is good. I know that I am making progress, taking small steps backward along the dreaded tight rope; seeing the words above affirmed that I have made progress but still have work to do.
So dear imaginary reader, cheers to colors, change, satisfaction and an exciting future ahead. I hope we grow together and Sweetheart, thanks for the heads up.